I stood outside tonight, feeling the breeze on my face. The sky was dark and peaceful. I could hear the chimes singing in the air from Moms front porch. I could see Zane in the house froze to his computer. The cars quietly passing by. As I was soaking all this in I felt at peace. All the world was right.
       After my hospital stay a month ago I knew that I had to make some changes in my life. Eating healthy and exercise was a no brainer for me. But I knew I needed to change the way I thought, how I interacted with others, and how I treated myself, mentally. Kind of change my inner dialog. I noticed that I had been upset about something or other, or fighting about something for a long long time. I let what I thought others were thinking about me affect who I was.
      I decided that I did not need to change my core beliefs. I just needed to change how I acted upon them. I am still a non believer in any god. But I dont need the stress of fighting about it anymore. I just smile at all the , god loves you's and I'll pray for you's and go on, knowing that the folks who tell me this really mean well.
      I try my very hardest to be upbeat and chipper. Try to stay focused on my goals. Try to stay positive. Speaking of goals, I have some now. I believe that working toward something is key in a happy and fulfilling life. I have weight loss and exercise goals for every day.
      Will write more on this subject later. Got to go tend to Zane

Time

   Oh how we waast time. It is all we have to share with others. It works against us all.
       As I get older and begin to really realize my mortality ,I Think of all the time I have wasted on foolishness.All of the time I have lost to less than worthy causes. Time spent in self intrest. The wasted time being angry or upset.Time I chose not to spend with or on those I love.
        As I have always said, it is always too late when you realize that this might be a bad idea. As a guy with a lifetime of bad ideas I believe that I can write with some athority on the subject. Most of my bad ideas have stolen time away that I could have spent ,,,well ,, better.
       I have spent too much of my time being angry or upset. Too much time wasted poionting out others faults.I think that I am far worse than anyone I talk poorly about or talk down to. ( most of the time we do this to the ones we love. The ones who have , in spite of our own many faults, have for some reason stuck by us) The regrets I will have at the end ,if I do not change, will be unbnearable.
       What of the time I have wasted on sarcasim towards those that I love? The times I have used harsh words instead of kind ones? I would love to take back every single one.How long can you be mean and rash with someone before they resent you?
        I write this because my little Zane is growing so fast.I do not want to wast any time that could be spent on him.I want to share in his life. Every moment if I could. I wasted so much time on fools errands when my other two kids were young. In a blink of an eye they are grown. I think of all the time I wasted on things that were not important when I could have spent it with them. I cannot get it back.
       I also write this because my Dad gave us a scare a few years ago, and we thought we were going to loose him. I cannot imagine a world without him. He has ALWAYS been there for me. The time I have left with him, which I hope is a lot, I do not want to waste. I do not want to waste the time I have with my Mom, who has been an angel to Zane and I. She has done and still does so much for us. I dont know how we could make it without her. I think of the time I would like to spend with my Bro. And the time I can spend with all of my family.
         Time is all I really have.It is all any of us have. You never know when it will run out. Be kind to those you love.